The Religious, Right?

I just heard some scholar named Balmer (at Columbia University, I seem to remember) address the Commonwealth Club of San Francisco on a local NPR station. He was the patient, born-again Christian that liberals like me wish were swarming all over Capitol Hill. Instead, what we have is a bunch of insurance salesmen, car dealers, and forked-tongued white boys who think they’re better than secular humanist baby-killers like me. Well, we know that’s wrong already, don’t we. Egad, the hubris! These people are never wrong!

If they’re caught doing something foolish or perverse, they have a couple of choices from the born-again menu. They can howl like a dog with a thorn in its foot and beg forgiveness. Think Swaggart. They can deny, and then make an admission accompanied by a sincere apology. Think Clinton. They can say it’s all a lie and sit back in smarmy silence until things cool down. Think DeLay.

Okay, so I’m listening to the program and a question from the audience goes something like, “Are these people afraid of rational thought?” In fairness, my mind started whirring and I didn’t even hear the answer. What I did do is think of what to write in this small piece. My answer is, “Absolutely not; they use rational thought all the time.” What do you think? That being a born-again Christian leaves you in a permanent state of grace! That would be tantamount to referring to a quarter of the country as saints, and we both know that’s a flat-ass lie.

Born-againism needs to be seen for what it is, even when it’s genuine. It is a momentary flash of insight followed by a lifetime of failure trying to regain that instant of bliss. Thus, it exists only temporarily in its arising, then becomes a beacon seen at only a great distance. The person who has the experience is changed in religious ways, but not secular ones. Quaker peaceniks do not become Christian Right warmongers, and born-again car dealers still try to hard sell the undercoating option to little old ladies. In other words, if Tom DeLay is a prick, it’s because he was always a prick. Now, he’d just be a prick who found Jesus and lost his job.

It’s a toggle switch. The reason that “fear of rationalism” is raised as a question in the first place is because we liberals don’t understand that born-again Christians (a) are not in a constant state of grace; and, (b) do not fundamentally change their stripes from the people they were before they gained their keys to the kingdom. But in Washington, DC, everything is staged, so you don’t see the rationalism that goes on behind the scenes. All you get is the fervency and the pleas on behalf of the “partially born” fetuses (who have, incidentally, been heard to scream in over 57 languages when the malevolent abortionist plies his satanic trade).

I worked with a guy who could quote chapter and verse from the bible, who earnestly prayed before he ate, and who referred to black people as “them”. Now ask me if the white man in question is a bigoted, born-again Christian, and I’ll say, “Jesus Christ, how the f*ck does that happen! Maybe it wasn’t Jesus you saw! Did you ever think of that!”