Tuesday, August 01, 2006

What’s the Matter with Mel!

Mel Gibson, apparently driving with a blood alcohol level of .12 (12%), reportedly went on an anti-Semitic tirade when a cop pulled him over. What did he think? That the cop was a Jew? Mel, dahlink, Jews live in Malibu, they don’t patrol it. One of my great-grandfathers was a Jewish cop in Pittsburgh, PA back in the 1880’s. Of the four great-grandfathers I had, two were Jews and two were Roman Catholics, and only one, so far as I know, was a cop. He was also a miserable bastard, according to my grandfather (his son), who ran away from home and joined the army. The Spanish-American War was apparently preferable to living with an abusive Jewish Pittsburgh cop. If you had made anti-Semitic remarks to that bastard, even his own wife and kids wouldn’t have made a peep. That covers the cop connection.

Fortunately, alcoholism does not run in my family, so I can’t relate to Mel that way. Let me repeat for you, Mel, what the ancients knew: in vino veritas – in wine there is truth. Plato, I think it was, said that he would never let his daughter marry anyone he hadn’t drunk with, ostensibly because he couldn’t be sure that the guy wasn’t an abusive pig until he had seen what he was like with a grape high on. And since I run a pub, I guess I generally agree that true colors come out when enough alcohol goes in. Let me sum things up for you, Mel. You’re a goddamn anti-Semite, so be proud of it.

Real anti-Semites like you shouldn’t be browbeaten by the press into apologizing for the stupid things they say. Aw, hell no, boy! Stand tall! Your old man grabbed the family and ran to Australia where he could live like a 10th century Catholic, believing in magical elixirs and alchemy, and rejecting folk-singing anglicized masses. No wonder you’re the same stupid anti-Semite your probably alcoholic father probably was. Genes? Yes, for the alcohol. Examples? Yes for the anti-Semitism.

You earned your DUI, boy, so when you next go to confession, don’t admit a damn thing! Oh, they’ll demand that you give them something, so be prepared. Those dudes in the black cassocks are still called priests, but they represent a modernist movement that has bankrupted the ancient teachings of the Church. They aren’t to be trusted or respected by real Catholics like you and Pops. No, Mel, just hop in your anti-Semitic time machine and whisk yourself off to the world where Jews start all wars. In that world, Mel, you’re a hero. If you like it well enough, maybe you should stay.


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